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2000-08-15 - 17:09:47


I just want to be loved! (is that so wrong?)
Yes, I am one of the people who signed up for Diary Survivor, although I do not expect to be picked.

Sometimes it's good to be boring.

But I was thinking about it, because I've been reading the diaries of a lot of other people who have also signed up. I think there are probably going to be a lot of hurt feelings. Not jump-off-a-bridge kind of hurt feelings, but a lot of... what, I'm not good enough? sentiments.

People can be very sensitive about their diaries. And with good reason, I think. Well, understandable reasons, anyway. People put themselves on the line, writing their innermost thoughts to an anonymous public. Everybody wants to be liked, or to at least think that they are likable. Nobody wants to think that they're "average and boring", as the old Person diary used to label their efforts.

You should see some of the paranoid emails I get from here. Why don't you like me? What's wrong with me? Aren't I good enough for you? Hey, remember, I'm only one person, and there are over 40,000 diaries out there. I can't get to 'em all. (Well, I suppose I COULD, but even reading 50 new diaries a day (which is a lot, ok?) it would take me well over two years.) I'm not trying to make anybody feel bad here.

Don't get me wrong. I think Diary Survivor is a really nifty idea. But I am worried about the people who will... take it just a bit too seriously, if you know what I mean. They're already freaking out about poor Uncle Bob's tongue-in-cheek Diary Survivor Parody. What's going to happen when they get "voted off the island"?

(Whenever I catch myself feeling that way, I remember Titanic. Crappy movie. Tremendously popular. Who wants to be bland and insipid enough to be overwhelmingly applauded?)

From Malice

if i could have a superpower it would definately be the ability to read other people's minds. but only when i wanted to. if it was all the time it'd be an affliction, not a power.

From Cubicle Girl

Just as you can't like the Mets because they're an expansion team, angst will occur over anything prime.

Like ribs.

(Oh yes, I so totally lied about taking Cubicle Girl off my bookmarks. I still read her diary every day).

From Entropy Heals (via Blue Sleepy)

I can't tell you how many times I almost got hit by cars. And not even good cars like… old piece of shit cars. I mean, if I'm going to die and get stuck on someone's fender, I want it to be a nice fender. I'm a high-class girl

From Crackbaby (via Tigre Fatalis)

And for the record, none of you will get to heaven with a smile on your face from me. In fact, if I'm making you smile, chances are good I'm doing something deviant and am pushing your chess piece ever closer to the edge of Hell. Don't fall in.

From Blue Shoe (also via Tigre Fatalis)

Despite who he is, and what he does... he is still the man who rolled over one morning, with the flat of his hand on the small of my back, tracing swirly sea patterns there... and I lay there with my head on his chest, took his watch off his wrist so that time no longer held him, he could stay forever.