2003-12-28 - 6:00 p.m.
Things that happen in a bathroom
And I'd like to interject here that if "Craft Your Ass Off" isn't the name of the next OutKast single, then we need to question just who we are and where we're headed as a country.
So I got my Martha Stewart mag for October and she has this article in there about the best chocolate chip cookies ever. Well, I can't take her at her WORD, for Christ sake - she's going to prison for lying! I actually made the cookies out of spite. Just to prove that she has no idea what she's talking about.
It was at this point that I stopped thinking, "what an odd thing to strike up a conversation about with a stranger at a bus stop." And started thinking, "I wonder when clocks are going to start melting over the branches of the trees."
From Klysie (Submitted by Marc):
I was reading it when I got to the bottom, where it said, "If you just delete this email then you will have ten years of bad relationships." Well actually it said, "If U just deleat this emale you will have 10 yrs of bad relatiohnships." If you want it exact.
She can only eat non-caged chickens and eggs. Chickens who are stressed out before they are killed give my mother constipation.
From Kboyer (Submitted by Bri):
Lost the beard growing contest. But just so that everyone else could shave. So when you think about it I'm kind of like Braveheart.
My dad told me never to put anything sharp near my neck when I'm drunk, hungover or tired. So I shave once a week.
From TVZero (From someone else, but I had to do so much work to find the actual URL for this quote that I’ve now lost the original submission):
Holy crap. Irony has taken on personal traits and is now interrupting me when I pee. I must think on this.
Yesterday, my sister told me that getting pregnant would actually improve my figure, because the birthing process would “widen my hips and give me a more pronounced hourglass figure. “See,” I said, “I always thought the Lord told us to be fruitful and multiply, not to be fruitful and multiply, you narrow-hipped whores.”
From Mimi Smartypants:
Once, after some middle-of-the-night sex, I sleepily got up to use the bathroom and, post-toilet-paper, I pulled out one of these towels and finished the job. No, I don't know why. Perhaps I was sleepwalking. Perhaps my foggy brain decided that terrycloth would feel delightful on my princess. Regardless, I did it, left the towel on the floor, and stumbled back to bed, only to be completely horrified when I found it there the next day, thinking OH MY GOD I HAVE A CUM TOWEL! I AM A TEENAGE BOY!