2003-01-12 - 9:41 a.m.
Two, two, two vaginas in one entry!
From Skim (Submitted by Theotherchad):
Nothing says "gangsta" like a so-last-year merino wool twinset from Banana Republic. Especially when you're wearing it while rollin' outta tha Whole Foods parking lot with a vegan carob chip cookie on the dash.
TV taught me that true love should overcome, but then again, TV also taught me that AC Slater is cool.
I went to new york for a week and had a blast. I got back and ate some In-N-Out, got food poisoning and had another blast, except it was out of my ass this time and there was puking too.
So essentially, all I wanna do right now is drink wine, eat fat, and smoke. It seems I've suddenly become French.
I had a dream about a removable vagina. Yeah, it was fairly disgusting, but you know, also quite handy, because you could pop it out, make sure everything was running fine, and that was keen. My vagina was nice and pink. Where does my brain go when I'm asleep?
The girly lemurs' main job is to rub their vaginas on things in order to mark their territory. If that isn't the best job in the world, I don't know what is.
I'm not a "pretty crier" either. Like Demi Moore in "Ghost". When I cry, my face puffs up like a grapefruit with gas.
I was up at 8:30 this morning doing the dishes. If this is what life on Sundays is like without a hangover, then quite frankly I donít want any part of it. It disrupts the fundamental order of things.
The quote on my George Bush calendar today is: ďI think that if you say youíre going to do something and donít do it, thatís trustworthiness.Ē Holyfuckingshit, this man is in charge of stuff! Heís running with nuclear scissors like a demented toddler through a nursery of critically ill babies.
From Essentially (Submitted by Haikuboy)
I look up and see so many stars, but only one constellation.
Dear Steve Irwin, You...are insane. And I don't say this in jest...you really are a certifiable loony. I tuned into your NBC special, and watched, slack-jawed, as you giddily pranced around the feeding ponds of 15-foot long crocodiles. This behavior is more suited to manic depressives, upon finally realizing the un-scalable depths of sorrow that have become their life, and not for middle-aged Australian caricatures. Please, you frighten me. Crikey, -John
From Katherinhand (Submitted by Christabean)
I drove the wrong way up a one way street this morning. It didn't even scare me. I just pulled over and waved to all the people honking at me like it was my parade and I was the intersection queen, wishing happy days and pleasant head-on collisions.
Honeycombs, Apple Jacks, Corn Pops and Smacks. All disgusting cereals. And Kix. Whoever made Kix as a cereal for kids doesnít like kids very much.