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2003-01-31 - 7:46 p.m.

'Ello Guv'na!
From Sundry:

One thing I don't understand about theatres is why it was decided that the perfect snack, the ultimate in enhancing the movie experience, is popcorn. Why not something quiet, like pudding?

From Inarticulate (Submitted by Waterstain)

And as if all that weren't enough to scorch your pie, on another page at the Independent is a scientific prediction that bananas will be kaput in a decade. Which really pisses me off, because I like bananas.

From Margot-poni (Submitted by Mhari)

Scary Redhead, at one point, said we need to up money for education (no argument with that) in order to train kids because "children will rule the world," she said in a low, terrifyingly, dramatically urgent voice. I think she meant the next generation, but it made me think of Gray Davis being replaced by a 5 year old.

From Heidiann (Submitted by Rachelliz)

Yesterday I cleaned my closet. And I found, concealed by the dresser, two smallish boxes Iíd never unpacked after moving. In them, among other things, I found 27 pairs of underwear. 27. Think about that. This means I have so many pairs of underwear I didnít even notice Iíve been missing 27 of them since July. Is that excessive? Am I the Imelda Marcos of underwear?

From Coffee-Flesh (Submitted by Sledgeman)

Just for the record, I'd like to state that I have some major issues with my president. Most of which revolve around the fact that I have an I.Q. of 147 and my president has an I.Q. of 92. I feel as though I'm being ruled by a talking biscuit. Better yet, a talking biscuit with a bigger house, bigger income, and a pool. I'm not exactly happy about that.

From Kant (Submitted by Redqueenmeg)

Apparently llamas are very stubborn creatures and ones loving of cold weather. The coats, you see. So he's walking around, making sounds approximately translatable as "I'm a llama. I'm so cool. You can never understand, as you are not a llama, but I am, and I'm so fucking cool... Lead me to the alpaca poontang." The llama's words, not mine.

From Almare (Submitted by Scotty)

I was just watching "a very brady sequel", when i realized something extremely important. You know the part when Marsha gives Greg mouth-to-mouth after he wipes out surfing? Then Greg says, i have to go, something suddenly came up. I get it! I never understood that line until today.Damn the Bradys are dirty.

From I-girl (Submitted Waterstain)

I should be able to take a naked lady in there and say "Copy her ass 30billion times in ultra-high resolution and then bind me a book out of it, dicks," and they should be all "Righty-o, guv'nor, do you want us to sweep her chimney, then, wot?" Or whatever. In a perfect world, Kinko's employees would be chipper toner-dusted chimney-sweeps, always with a kind word and a mildly annoying Cockney accent.

From Hardlove (Submitted by Mona)

you know why i don't drink pepsi? britney spears. and whatsherface, that little annoying girl. and because i don't like pepsi. but you know.

From Dependant (Submitted by Mangolight

Legolas... with the elf ears and the way he shoots his bow plus the elvish..oh so very good...If I had it my way then Movie 3 would just be him and his brave battle against the clothes eating beast of Mirkwood.

From Kadin (Submitted by Jaxraven)

Maybe I should just go try this "sleep" thing that everyone is always on about. Disappearing at all hours of the night to do it...and then they're gone for hours. And people tell me some of the shit they see when they're doing sleep. That's some crazy stuff. I've been trying to get hooked up for months, but there doesn't seem to be any in the area. I'll go up to a dealer at 3 or 4 in the morning, "Got any sleep tonight?" And they always just shake their head. Or try to sell me weed. Or just lie there, tripping out on something. Losers. Don't do drugs, kids.

From Fucktitles (Submitted by Haptotrope)

If I didn't know any better, I would've said that Frank was drunk. Butfish don't drink. They sip.

From MindlessPop (Submitted by Karen)

Some random passerby asked to take our picture while we were sitting on a rock, overlooking the water. I didn't even bother to ask what he was taking the picture for. So if you come across a picture of a blonde and a red head sitting on a rock, that's Melissa and I. It's probably gonna end up on a website like

From Miss-edith (Submitted by WilliamTells)

Reasons why I am better than your average alarm clock:
1) I don't beep
2) I swallow