2001-12-13 - 4:35 p.m. I *heart* the Internet What did we do before the Internet? From DeadeyeDick (sent by Heckafresh) I stacked logs. I stacked more logs. It was amazing. It was peaceful. It was like Tetris filled with the sights and smells of Autumn. From JerseyGrrl (sent by Alizarin) Last year I had to try to get fingerprints off three jumbo size boxes of Tide that someone (or someones) had dumped in one of the town fountains. My first thought was, DAMN, Tide is like the most expensive detergent out there. They could have gotten the Family Dollar store brand and had the same effect. From Chauffi (sent by Weetabix) But as everyone knows, pudgy white guys with a baking fetish and a self depreciating wit clean up with the ladies. It's the lack of self confidence I think that reels them in. And when they learn of the label whoreing and Swedish automobile they usually try to hook you up with their best friend. Named Steve who works in Product Marketing and just got out of a bad relationship. You know Han Solo? Well in Danish "han" means "he". So you're never sure if they're talking about Han Solo or just some other guy. He laughed. Did Han Solo laugh? I don't know. He did. But who's he? You know? That's why George Lucas is my favourite surrealist painter. She's the kind of girly-girl that--when I was 9 and I played Oregon Trail at my friend's house, we'd often make wagon characters a family of rich-bitch sisters, and we'd name them all really prissy names like Tiffany and Charity and Drusilla, and then we'd slowly kill them off on purpose, because they'd eat really tiny portions so as to stay skinny, and never go hunting for food because it wasn't feminine, and always make poor judgment calls on fording rivers because they were empty-headed shallow princesses. Okay. This girl would SO be in one of those ill-fated wagons.
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