2006-04-23 - 12:50 p.m.
It's My Party And I'll Quote If I Want To
This week (Thursday to be exact) I am having a birthday.
How old will I be?
Old enough to know better...but, apparently, not old enough to come up with an original answer to that question.
I'm not exactly sure when I moved from "Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll" to "Sleep, Antacids and Tivo", but I have a lot to be grateful for. And we all know that gratitude, for everything that you have, is a great source of happiness. This is especially important when you can no longer fall back on the safety net of sex and drugs.
What's that I hear? It's the sound of your collective voices shouting a question into your respective monitors all around the world...
"What do you want for your birthday?"
It's so kind of you to ask. What I want are more Quoted submissions from readers like you...or the reader right before you...I always get you two mixed up.
Not that I mind painting my self-absorbed opinions onto this Internet canvas every week, but you might. So make your voice heard above the din of my rambling babbles of babbling rambles. Find yourself some grade-A quotes and submit them by selecting "Submit A Quote" from the drop down menu box at the bottom of this page.
Oh, and a flat screen television would be nice, too.
I like paper. I like paper so much that I collect it. I like how each page represents an infinite amount of possibilities; I like that they are crisp and clean and clear, and when I look at them, blank, I can imagine any number of things to do with them. Of course, to preserve the possibilies and the purity I never actually use the paper. I look at it, as one would do with any valued collection.
So first I tried to remember if I had really found duct tape, or if I was imagimembering I'd found duct tape. And then looking at the spot where my glasses were broken I decided duct tape wouldn't work anyway, and I tried super glue. Which really didn't work in any imaginable application of super whatsoever. But did permanently leave a fingerprint on my right lens.
Author's note: The quote is good, but the word "imagimembering" is priceless.
I need a haircut so badly it's embarrassing. For the last couple of years, if my hair got too long I ended up looking like Professor Snape. Now, it's way longer, and way curlier, and I merely look like a dick.
I have had two fish die in the past week. I just walk in my office in the morning and there they are floating. I am a smart woman. I have done the research. I did everything right. But still I am a fish killer. I bet I have gone thru eight fish since I decided it would be relaxing to have a fish tank in my office.
But I'm not going to kill anymore. So I scooped out the dead fish and threw a baby carrot in the tank. It kind of looks like a goldfish if you don't look at it too closely.
Actually, they named [their new baby boy] "Blake Langdon" or something like that, inexplicably named after some or other character on some or other HBO show?!? Me, I don't know, I just ask the questions and if the answers don't make sense I just don't bother to record them... Langdon? Lemonhead? Lempface? I can't remember what she said, it started with an "L" and ended with me scratching my head and walking away.