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2003-11-09 - 5:55 p.m.

Return of the Quoted Thing
Once again, if you are submitting stuff to Quoted, please clearly label your email submissions with Quote in the subject line. Quoted's email account gets about 100 pieces of spam a day and I tend to take a pretty blunt hand at wiping them out. This entry is everything I've received in the last two months (with the exception of some snippets from some diaries that have been very recently quoted), so if you don't see your submission here, send it again please! Keep the excellent quotes coming and I can update Quoted more often!

From Ghostiness (Submitted by James):

We hung out, and when we got bored, some of the guys decided to go play some pigskin... So I went out to watch. Because what's better than a bunch of guys tackling each other? I swear, football is one huge gay joke.

From Proofrok:

Dance with your children-it does not matter if you have rhythm or know the tune, but dance with your children, and hold those memories so tightly to your heart that death, as Carl Sandburg said, 'breaks its claws' on them. Dance with your children and cease the furious grasping and thinking for a moment. Dance with them, throw your head back and laugh like a fool. My baby boy yawns and makes funny faces. I'm going to hold him now and pat a gentle 4/4 time on his back.

From Breakangel (Submitted by Andy):

Apparently we non-wrinkly-assed people can't buy JB Weld unless we are able to prove without a doubt that we're not underage delinquents deadset on cold-welding a bedpan to our principal's minivan.

From Xheartheartx (Submitted by Connecting):

We’re going to adopt a baby monkey and he’s going to wear baby diapers and drink out of a little bottle. We’re going to name the monkey Andrew after this boy that goes to our school who’s poems devin admires. Only we’ll call him little Andy.

From Marsist (Submitted by Lady-malfoy):

I'm having a craving for Corn Nuts. what the hell does that mean? I'm pregnant with a fifth grader? My 7-11 levels are getting low?

From Chubbychic:

The word Y'all is singular. The words All Y'all are plural. The words All Y'all You'ins are ultra-plural, and usually involve referencing a family with several rabid, crazy, bare-bottomed children running around in the backyard.

From K.Lo (Submitted by Trinity63):

Sometimes you just have to put them in their place. And if paying me every two weeks and picking up the tab for lunch is the only thing that defines who's the boss and who's not the boss, than that's just the way it should be.

From Discothekid:

We have a deaf girl in my meds class. During the last class I recited Madonna lyrics just to see what they looked like played out in that graceful physical language. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen just how pretty “Lucky Star” looks in sign language.

From Clcassius (Submitted by Tuulikki):

But I don't possess him. Just because we've seen each other naked doesn't mean I can plant my flag in his ass and claim it as sole property of the Crown and Throne of Carrie.

From Bloodnfire (Submitted by Amy):

I have friends in my life to whom I can say, "You know, if I don't get some ass soon my girly parts are going to shrivel up and crawl away under protest with picket signs and my head is going to explode off my neck leaving not very nice things all over the walls. I hear grey matter is a bitch to get out of the carpet." to and have them not bat an eye lash. I love my friends.

From Anenigma (Submitted by Unclebob):

I mean, sure, you can't leave me alone in a room full of inanimate objects five minutes before I start humping one, but christ almighty, why can't people just act normal?

From Peregryn (submitted by Emokid7070)

Florence Nightingale is giving me the large, artificially softened gaze of someone who's realized that he's got a patient on psychatric meds and is one BoogaBooga shy of jumping through the roof.

From: Ihaterain (Submitted by Speedway):

In the end, it all turned out okay, but now I can't help but feel very creepy and stalker-iffic. I mean, sure, I wasn't technically doing anything, but apparently I have a look that innately says "scary" to women sitting in coffeehouses. Oh well...some guys have a "come hither" look. I guess I have more of a "run, Heather" look.