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2006-06-03 - 1:12 p.m.

Top Ten Reasons To Submit Quotes To Quoted

Okay, I know everybody is slowing down a bit in the warmer summer weather, but I still need you all to keep submitting those quotes to me. Just go down to the bottom of any entry page and select "Submit A Quote" from the dropdown menu. Submit the info and it will go to my email inbox to review.

It couldn't be easier, but if you still need a list of compelling reasons to submit, I have provided them:

  1. If you don't submit a quote, I'll get my dad to beat up your dad
  2. This is one of the few times you can submit an internet form and not have your email sold to a marketing group for a bestiality porn site
  3. You need to provide me with good quotes to read while I am going to the bathroom, and bad quotes to use when I run out of toilet paper
  4. You are really drunk right now and submitting a quote sounds like a GREAT idea...or if you aren't drunk, go GET really drunk, then reread this
  5. Submitting a quote is going to even out your karma for all of those years of killing defenseless, innocent bugs on your car windshield
  6. I am wall papering my entire house with printouts of submitted quotes and I still have several rooms to finish
  7. You feel a deep-seated, compelling urge to do something of significance for hurry up, go to the bathroom, then come back and submit a quote
  8. You need to get your name in front of a lot of readers because everyone needs an internet stalker or two in their lives
  9. The voices in your head told the voices in my head that you should submit quotes
  10. I've traveled to the future and seen that you have already submitted a quote, so if you don't want to set off a major timespace paradox, you'd better get crackin'
And now, the quotes.

From lady-frenzy:

I’ve got that hazy feeling... kind of like the one you may get when you stick your head in a dirty, algae filled fish tank and try to peer at your dead tetras—bloated and sunken to the bottom due to the amount of rocks enclosed in their stomachs (likely ingested in order to escape the hell of your derelict plexiglas dis-utopia).
That kind of mood… drinking Bacardi Rum Runner Blonds on a Wednesday...

From smedindy (Sent by onewetleg):

But I can't tell the difference between a 16-year old and a 22-year old nowadays anyway. Maybe I should count the piercings? Would that be like counting rings?

From qwert:

Like, really, my beans are frozen; that's so not perfect! Who froze my beans? Who would do such a thing? I went to the refrigerator, and they were all there frozen super-solid; everything else was just fine, but they were absolute ice – um ok, why was there a freezing spatial vortex in my fridge? You think I'm joking; how would you like to have frozen beans next to unfrozen stuff? Like a little ghost got caught in my bean bowl, and it had to sit there all night emanating cold.

From my-unsent (Sent by CatsPajamas):

That would of course be ridiculous as I am not drunk nor do I have a little monkey. Although I did see one for sale at the pet store, it was about $700.

I tell you something, if I am going to buy a $700 monkey when it flings poo, and it will fling poo, it better do it with good aim and on command.

Author's Note: I also have to add this quote from the same entry, since it made me laugh out loud when I read it...

With that said, I would be careful if you intend to learn Czech on the point of pronunciation. For instance, you may try to say something simple like, "I have little money," but mispronounce the Czech word for money and end up saying, "I have a little penis." While I can assure you that other people will find this quite funny and laugh, oh how the bastards will laugh, you will be standing confused and feeling very self-conscious about your financial situation.