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2005-11-20 - 6:43 p.m.

Did I mention...

So, did I mention that I was out of town for the last two weeks?


Did I mention that I haven't been feeling very well for most of those last two weeks?

I didn't?!?

Well, did I mention that you have a large booger hanging out of your nose?

Yeah, that sounds like something I would say.

Why don't you take care of that third thing I mentioned as soon as possible. You don't want it waving around in front of people like a hypnotist's cheap pocket watch.

While you are doing that, I will address the first two things I mentioned by presenting a collection of reader-submitted quotes...

From Wilberteets (Sent by Harlemrain):

A couple of days ago as I was getting ready for work, my little 4 year old niece walked into the bathroom. She looked like a little angel, as she usually does. I was fixing my hair, standing right in front of the sink, when she said in her little angel voice "Get outta my way, I gotta brush my teeth, Fool."

It's so heartwarming, sharing your life with little kids.

From sewer-rat (Sent by bodyclock):

Recently at work I said something to Ben about having my period, and I showed him the little tin I got this summer in Provincetown which just so happens to fit my tampons PERFECTLY. He said something dismissive about cramps or whatever, and I said, "Well then, have YOU ever felt like your uterus was trying to claw its way out of your vagina?" He paused and said, "No, but I skinned my knee once."

From theodora (Sent by lucia b):

I don't think the medieval times were organized enough for Methodists. We had to wait into the 18th century, when clocks were more widely available. Southern Methodism had to wait until the 19th, when covered dish technology matured.

From lilpeanut80 (Sent by Anonymous):

I once told someone I was a "bibliophile" (someone who collects books), and she gave me a horrified look and said What exactly is it that you DO to books? It made me feel dirty.

From CoffeeGrind (Sent by Deb):

You know, if you give a gal a brownie, she'll eat it in two seconds but if you teach a gal to bake, she'll eat brownies all the damn time!

From boogityx2 (Sent by Julianna):

Incidentally, I was born at 4lbs 3oz, and then I dropped to 3lb 9oz - I was about six weeks early. My grandma didn't expect me to live. I showed her! Who's dead NOW, bitch?

I feel bad about that one.

From zencelt (Sent by Deb):

I'm beginning to understand why people say its tough to date in your thirties. There's no cream in the crop. Just 1% milk. Not even organic.